Tuesday, July 24, 2007

My Girlfriend Is Just Not That Into Me

So, you called her again and left yet another message. It's the same pattern - scheduled playdates cancelled, voice messages left with no response, unanswered emails. You're not giving up on her, though. Eventually she will get back to you, probably.
Why do you like her? Well, she's interesting and she doesn't hound you. She's a little bit distant but that's because she 's really busy, you tell yourself. She doesn't let you "in" - you have to work to get to know her - ask a lot of questions. She fears commitment and that's why you tread lightly. She's just like ... wait a minute ... she's just like a bad boyfriend!

Oh my God! you tell yourself. You just realized that your girlfriend is just 'not that into you'.

What to do? What to do? What a yucky thing to realize - that you aren't that important. It's not that she doesn't like you (you hope), you're just not very high on her priority list. She doesn't have time for you OR she doesn't choose to make time for you. It's hurtful at first. Then you realize that you either stick around and hope for the phone call or move on and let her go (and let her do whatever is so important in her life). It's all so silly, yet we all get into relationships like this sometime in our life and we ultimately question ourselves - what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't she want to do something with me? Is she just being polite when she does call or is she just that busy? I know a couple of people that fit this profile. Now that I have figured out their "story", I get to decide what to do. If nothing else, at least the sense of control brings me a little satisfaction because, really, we are all very busy. Why wait for someone who only wants to be a "Sometime Friend"?

Do you know anyone who treats you like the Wednesday night waitress (no names please)? You know - small shift, crummy hours, small tips ... I want to be the Saturday night waitress. I think I am worth it. Comments anyone?

Friday, July 6, 2007

Center of Attention ... I'll pass thank you!

Remember back (way back in my case) when you wanted to be noticed? Maybe you wanted to have certain friends, or you wanted a special boy or girl to "see" you. Or, as in my case, I wanted to impress a teacher with my writing or art ability. You wanted to be accepted, appreciated, and approved of by others. To do this meant that you might end up in the spotlight.

Then you're finished with school and you've moved on to the difficult (at least in my case) task of finding a job. Once again, you must strive to be the center of attention - to stand out amongst your peers. I basked in all of those moments.

Fast forward 10-15 years and two children:

The idea of being the center of attention takes on a new meaning - one that I don't wish to be a part of - let me explain...

On a sunny in Maryland, I am happily part of a mass of moms converging on a large playground. I blend nicely with the crowd - yeah! At this time Lightning is 4.5 years old and Gingersnap is 2.5 years old. I have a stroller and all the necessary snacks, water bottles, juice boxes, cell phone, car keys, and changes of clothes. I feel good, secure, and confident. This will be a fun stop. We are 15 minutes into our playground visit when I see my daughter break away from the pack. I was worried this would happen. As I start jogging toward her, Lightning joins me. I call out to Ginger Snap to "stop" at which point she starts running faster (toward the busy street). She looks over her shoulder and laughs. No longer am I part of the pack - I now (sadly) fit into the elite few moms who always find themselves in the center of attention.

You see, to be the center of attention as a mom usually means that you have children that put you on this "pedestal" - temper tantrums, the elusive child making a dash for what she/he defines as freedom (the street, a parking lot, the interior of a store), the falls (off of furniture, at playgrounds, down stairs), the child playing hide and seek in Target - and getting lost.

My children are my love, my life, and my source of inspiration. They are also my source of exhaustion. Are you the center of attention or do your children take center stage?