The "Free" Benefits of Nice

It's no secret that I'm a nice person. I enjoy small conversation with people I don't know, I like giving my neighbors and friends baked treats, and I think I excel at finding that "perfect little gift" for my family and/or friends that they didn't expect. I consider myself thoughtful, and yes, NICE. Once I overheard someone talking about me, who I thought was a friend. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but I was curious as to what this person was going to say about me. She mentioned that I was a nice person (this is what friends are for). Then she went on to say that by being nice she did not consider me to be a confident person, she considered me to be WEAK (OKAY, not a friend after all). I was quite surprised because 1) I thought she was a friend, and 2) she thought that being nice was a BAD thing. More recently someone told me that I was a nice person (I smiled), which made me BORING (no more smiling). Hmmm...I thought this person was my friend as well. I need to be more selective in who I classify as "friend." You know, the funny thing is that neither of these comments bothered me (too much) because I knew that they were wrong. I am going to guess that these two women have not reaped the great benefits that come with being nice (maybe because they are NOT NICE). I decided to put my "nice" to the test, and I began jotting down things that I received FREE by being nice. Here's a small list that I began about 2 months ago(there's more stuff like free parking passes and $5 coupons for groceries, but I had to stop somewhere). Almost daily I receive FREE stuff, and I think it's because I'm nice and I have a good attitude about people (we're all human and mistakes are made). Here's a small list: 1)I stopped into a boutique where the owner recognized me, as I have frequented her shop in the past. I was commenting that I liked some of her new wall hangings. I decided to purchase a piece of jewelry, and she asked if I wanted to purchase a wall hanging as well. I said, yes, but they were a little out of my price range- maybe next time. Then she told me to wait a minute. She went to the back of the store and returned with a wall hanging that was new, but slightly damaged (very slight, like undetectable as the damage was on the back of the wall hanging). She went on to tell me that I could have it, if I wanted it because she wasn't going to sell it. I was so surprised and pleased. The wall hanging is proudly displayed on my dining room wall. 2) I asked how the day was going to a drive-thru employee at Taco Bell. He wasn't busy, so we chatted for a few minutes before I pulled up to retrieve my oh-so-delicious-tacos. When I got home I realized that the employee had given me an extra taco. 3) I always smile and chat with Dunkin Donuts staff (who wouldn't? Their donuts and coffee always put a smile on my face). I almost ALWAYS get a free donut or a handful of munchkins with my purchase. 4) I ordered a Domino's pizza over the phone for pick up. I had a nice chat with the staff member. When I went to pick up my pizza, the gentleman told me he had given me an extra topping (there was no apparent reason why, but it was a topping I mentioned that I was considering, but chose not to purchase in order to say $1.50). 5)I was chatting with another local boutique staff member. I wanted to purchase a jacket that cost over $100. I really wanted it, but it was expensive. I joked that I would love a discount. She kindly declined. I kept talking with her while I looked around the store, asking her about different trinkets and about the merchandise they carried. In the end, I decided that I just had to have the jacket. When I went to pay for it, she whispered that she was going to give me a 10% discount. She didn't want other shoppers to hear her, so she couldn't tell me until I was standing right in front of her at the register...what a wonderful, unexpected surprise. I saved $12! 6) I ordered a series of photos on disks (700 pictures between two disks and I ordered 6 sets of disks). The order required several hours (the Walgreens employee told me that I wouldn't qualify for the one hour printing, which I fully understood). The next day I picked up the 12 disks and brought them home. 6 of the disks were fine, but the other 6 disks were blank. I went back into Walgreens with the disks. The same employee verified that the disks were in fact blank. Then she asked me if I could give her 2 hours to correct the mistake. I was a little frustrated, but I wasn't mad. When I returned to get the disks, three were still blank. She corrected them while I was there, which took another 20 minutes. She felt really bad about all of the trips I had made to Walgreens, so she gave me the 6 disks FREE and then she gave me a coupon for an extra 50 FREE photos (coupon with no expiration). This was more than a $50 discount! That's what I call a good deal. So, what do you think? Is being nice a weakness or a strength? Personally, I think I do pretty well as a nice person. :-)

A Trader Joe's Moment

It goes without saying that the employees at the local Trader Joe's are an interesting, bright, colorful, fun, upbeat group of people. Last September, I was hired to work for this wonderful company, and I felt lucky. On one particular day, I celebrated what I call a Trader Joe's Moment, and I must share it with you. This little excerpt gives you a peek into the fun that I called "work."

I'm sitting in the break room which consists of a small, single room at the back of the store. I'm sharing a table with a co-worker of mine named Bee (names have been altered). We are happily eating lunch. Bu, another co-worker, is preparing his lunch at the other table in the room behind me. Food is always a conversation piece in the break room- What are you eating? Did you bring lunch? I'm craving a bagel from Towson Hot Bagels. What are you heating up in the microwave? That smells good.

Well, on this particular day, I'm eating my standard cream cheese on toast, with the all-healthy bag of chips, a can of root beer, a bowl of cinnamon apple sauce, and a granola bar. Bee is eating yogurt, as usual, and that's all. So, I begin my regular conversation with him about how he should eat something-ANYTHING more. He laughs and scoffs at me. Then I smell it...this funky, gamey, vinegar smell. Someone throws open the door and yells, "Oh my God! What is that horrible smell?"

I turn around to see Ti and Tay walk into the break room. Tay walks over to the bank of lockers where employees keep their swag and grabs a toothbrush and toothpaste. This is when I notice Bu's lunch, and it's hard to ignore. Ti moves in close, leans over Bu's lunch, and takes a big sniff. "Boy, that is an awful stink! What is that hot pile of meat you're eating, Bu? You frighten me." Bee laughs and so do I. Bu, not bothered by this remark, says, "I'm eating a bison meatball sub. Duh." This particular meatball sub consists of 6 bison meatballs sitting atop a piece of white bread with a slice of yellow American cheese and then an additional 6 bison meatballs finished with another slice of yellow cheese and the final piece of white bread. Remember the scene in The Breakfast Club, where Ally Sheedy's character eats a sandwich with Cap'n Crunch and pixie stix sugar? This is a similar situation.

In the meantime, Tay applied toothpaste to his toothbrush at the sink in the corner and began brushing. He walked around the break room and hummed as he brushed his pearly whites. Both Bee and I watched as Bu attempted to take a bite of his 10" sandwich. It was scary to witness. Both Bee and I wished Bu all the best, chuckled and went back to eating our minuscule lunches. Ti commented on Bu's impending indigestion and sauntered out. Tay finished with his teeth, put his cleaning supplies away, and left the break room smiling with fresh, shiny teeth.

Now this episode may not seem like much to others, but it was special to me. I can't explain it, but seeing everyone in their comfort zone around me made me feel "inside" and included, like I was a part of something great. It was a lot like being at home. It reminded me of when I was in architecture school at the University of Florida. I was surrounded almost exclusively by guys, and they are SO different than girls, especially if they feel comfortable around you. I felt lucky to experience this chance moment at work. Maybe you've had a similar experience at some time?

Take A Chance on Change

I stoop down in front of the aisle to see what's missing. All I see is cheese: white cheddar, brie, fontina, bleu cheese, goat cheese, gouda, swiss, parmesan, asiago, the cheeses seem to go on and on. I look at the first of 40 or so racks of cheese that I will be putting on the shelf. It's havarti, and it looks delicious. My stomach rumbles. I look at my watch. The time says 6:10am. Better get working. I put my earbuds in my ears, turn on a compilation of music, and begin mentally studying for my molecular biology test that is in 4 days.

I woke up this morning at 4:45am to make sure I had time to prepare for work: make lunch, eat breakfast, fix hair, apply makeup (what little I wear), and dress properly (I work in a refrigerator, you know). My work "uniform" consists of running pants worn under my jeans, two pairs of socks, a long sleeve shirt, a turtleneck, my sweatshirt, and a pair of gloves. Two days a week, I work at Trader Joe's, a wonderful grocery store that specializes in unique, well-priced products. Two other days a week I'm in school, taking pre-requisites toward a radiology program. Last semester I took "Math For the Health Sciences" that consisted mostly of word problems relating to nursing, radiology, and radiation therapy. I studied very hard and did well. This semester I'm taking Molecular Biology, and I have to say that it is certainly harder, albeit interesting. I still write book reviews for the Children's Literature Comprehensive Database, and I am finalizing my edits on my manuscript. My kiddies have sports and dance at night and lots of homework. So most of my studying occurs after they go to bed or when I wake up at 4:00am. This is not easy, but if I can get past the pre-requisites, get into a residency program and complete it, the rewards will be great. I plan to do this.

My life is very different than it was just 7 months ago, which is largely why I haven't been blogging. Studying takes up most of my free time, but I'm going to work hard to blog again because there is SO much to talk about.

Previously I worked one, 12-hour Saturday a week, managing weddings. As much as I LOVED this job, I knew that there would not be an opportunity to expand the position. I was interested in pursuing a career that required a specialization, where I could work more hours, and where there was a true need. My husband suggested that I look into the medical professions. I laughed at first thinking that I could never do this, I mean, my background is in the arts. How could I possibly be successful pursuing something that involved tons of science? After doing the research for almost a year, I decided to pursue the career of a radiologic technician (the person who takes your x-rays). There is a need for these types of jobs, there is opportunity to grow and broaden (mammography and sonography is possible with additional courses). I don't laugh anymore at this option. I'm actually really excited by the prospect of working in a hospital. Yes, it's true that I have two other degrees- a Bachelor of Design in Architecture from the University of Florida and a Master's of Science in Marketing from Johns Hopkins University. Yet finding work in either of these professions has proven to be difficult, and I discovered two things in the last few years leading up to when I turned 40 last year:

1) IF I AM UNHAPPY WITH WHERE I AM AS FAR AS VOCATION, IT'S UP TO ME TO CHANGE THIS
2) IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL (never)

I have to remind myself that it is possible to do it all, and there are a lot of people that have told me that I either can't do it or I'm wasting my time, but I know they are wrong. Who knows? Maybe they are jealous that I am pursuing something that will lead to something greater than what I have now. A lot of moms I know are fumbling around trying to figure out who to become now that their children are of school age (I get it. I was there for a few years myself). I have to be focused and very structured with my time, and I am very lucky that my husband supports me, even encourages me. Again, in the end, I will be helping him and the family financially, which benefits all of us in the long run. It's hard to keep that in mind sometimes. I do get frustrated and tired sometimes, but I know I'm making the right decision.

Are you going through this as well? I know there are others out there that want to change their lives, or have changed their lives by going back to school, or have changed their lives by changing careers. What do you think? What's your take on all of this?

No Tattoos in This Mid Life Crisis, Just Another Degree

My life has changed in big and little ways since March 2010, thus the break in blogging. I was gearing up for my 11th wedding anniversary in March, my 40th birthday in April, my two childrens' birthdays in May as well as their birthday parties. Then in June, my husband turned the big 4-0. It's been a busy spring.

The interesting thing about my turning 40, is that, well, nothing interesting happened. I just turned 40. Nothing dire, dreadful, or frightening happened to me on that day. For me, turning 40 was about reassessing what I had accomplished/not accomplished. Hey, maybe everyone goes through this, but I was experiencing this for the first time. For the last year I have been trying to figure out how I'm going to move forward in life. Technically, I have 25 years until retirement, and I want to make the right "move." It took a few weeks, but I have figured out that my "midlife crisis" was not about tattoos, implants, or fast cars. My midlife crisis was all about the three E's. Let me explain.

Education (first "E") - I have decided to change my career, well, I didn't actually HAVE a career for the last 10 years, but I have worked steadily around the kids, laundry, groceries, and homework. I left my wonderful job at The Peabody and Evergreen Museum and Library. I realized that for the last (almost) 4 years, I have worked almost every Saturday and/or Sunday. My kids aren't getting any younger, and I want to be a part of their lives while they still want me to be a part of it. Now I have my weekends with the family...and it's glorious. I began reviewing children's books (5 books a month) for the Children's Literature Comprehensive Database. I love it, and I read a lot of great books (ranging from children's books to young adult). The other reason I left the weekend job was because, beginning this fall, I am pursuing a new career path. I have a Bachelor of Design in Architecture, a Master's of Science in Marketing, and now I'm going to pursue an AA in Health Sciences with a focus in radiography. Yep, after a year of pre-requisites, I'm going to apply to either a local college or a local hospital to become a Radiologic Technician. Hey, if you have two degrees, what's one more? Hehehehe.

Exercise (second "E") - I've noticed that I have lost weight, but I have also lost muscle. I mean, I look at the skin hanging around my thighs and think, Shouldn't there be something in there? The same thing, by the way, is happening to my backside. I don't think I'm supposed to feel my a** bumping my thigh when I walk. It's truly falling. I hope I'm not too late to get it to stand back up to it's former perky self (cross your fingers). I've started weightlifting again, and three times a week I am running as I begin to train for the Baltimore Half Marathon.

Elegance (third "E") - I think I recently heard Molly Ringwald (yes, "Pretty in Pink") mention that she was going to 'get back to pretty again.' This is what I strive for as well. My kids are old enough that I now have time to 1) shower regularly, 2) apply makeup, 3) sleep more (sometimes), 4) wear clothing OTHER than sweat pants, like maybe, a dress. I have been taking the time to wear jewelry, apply lip gloss, and wear shoes other than flip flops. It's time to take a little more care. My kids still find it necessary to stand in front of me and carry on a conversation when I'm 1) undressing, 2) taking a shower, and/or 3) going to the bathroom. But at least they're not staring at me from a baby bouncer and screaming demanding action while I do those things.

So, in a nutshell, I turned 40, I left my event's job, I have decided to pursue a career that has nothing to do with my former background(s), I am getting (more) fit, and I am wearing more jewelry. This new chapter in the next book of my life looks like a good read to me.

The Dog Walked Me

The dog walked me. This happens...a lot. Bob Marley (aka Marley) our 9 year old female Australian Shepherd, barks all the time in the house. She drives me crazy, but she's a wonderful dog. I decided to take her for a walk so that I could work on my "Blizzard Butt" (a new term used often, as of this February, on Baltimore television). The term is uncreative, yet accurate. During the two weeks of blizzards Baltimore experienced, I baked an apple pie, cheesecake, banana bread, cinnamon streusel bread, chocolate chip cookies, and a vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate chips. I did not deny myself any of it, because being in the house for almost 10 days can make any sane person a little bored and cooped up. Pardon the segue-back to walking Marley.

Marley always walks me. She's just so happy to be out of the house. She tends to pull the leash, but it doesn't bother me. I often think I'm going to be bored when I walk her, but it's never the case. There is so much to see (for instance our daffodils are coming up, which is unbelievable considering our string of severe, harsh weather). Sometimes I see people I know, and I chat briefly with them. The best thing about Marley walking me, though, is the chance to think without any distractions. I have finished one manuscript, and I'm actively looking for an agent (anyone? anyone?) Now I'm working on the outline for the next manuscript, a second chapter book to follow the first manuscript. I carry a notepad and pen at all times. One never knows when inspiration will hit. The walks with Marley have proven to be as beneficial for me as for her.

Endless love...that's what our pets (aka additional family members) offer us. Our family is so lucky to have our two kitties, our dog, and our two new fish.

Book Review: Remedies, by Kate Ledger. A very realistic view of love lost, of unclear paths in life, and how one handles (or doesn't handle) the loss of a child and raising a teenager. The story is not all sad. Emily, the wife, reunites with an old boyfriend from high school. There is a feel of mid-life crisis from a wife's perspective. Simon, the husband, is struggling with trying to prove how valuable he is in the world of medicine. Jamie, the bored, lonely teenage daughter, is left to her own devices which has it's own consequences. The story holds you. Even if you don't live their life, you can feel it. It's a very good read.

When Did I Go From Miss To Ma'am?

I'm sitting at a coffee table in a restaurant happily having breakfast while I edit a manuscript. A man, apparently younger than I thought, sits at the end of the same coffee table working on his computer. He leans over to me and says, "Ma'am, do you mind if I scoot closer so I can plug in my computer? The battery is running low."

What? Did he just say, 'ma'am'? I recover quickly and smile. "Sure," I say. Then I excuse myself and head to the restroom to see what he sees in me. I expect an old lady to stare back at me in the reflection of the mirror, but I don't see that. Yes, I am older than him, but I think I look okay. So, what makes me a "ma'am"? Is it an air of confidence? Maybe. Do I actually look older than I think I look? This is possible. Is it that I'm simply more comfortable in my skin? Possibly. I can't figure it out. Somewhere around 35 years, people started referring to me as a "ma'am" rather than a "miss". I simply wonder what happens at this magical age that causes the cross over from "miss" to "ma'am". I mean, I know there's no going back. It's just a hard word to embrace.

Blizzard 2010-Creating "Community"

The blizzard has moved away from Baltimore, and we have over 26 inches of snow. Some of the drifts are in excess of five feet. Everything has come to a halt. It's lovely. This should happen more often. The heavy snowfall encourages (or forces) people to talk to one another and work together. This is the time when I get to see "community" happen. It doesn't happen often enough. It's nostalgic for me.

I grew up in Alpharetta, Georgia, in the 1980's. Back then, Alpharetta, was a small town. Everyone knew everyone (which could be a bad thing, but I was too young to realize this). The Milton High School Annual Rodeo and Antiques Show attracted the whole town. When I went to high school, Alpharetta, only had a few restaurants (that I remembered)- the Dixie Diner, the Alpharetta Soda Shop, and Hardees. In my senior year, Kentucky Fried Chicken opened, and everyone was thrilled. We had a Senior parade, which closed down Alpharetta. The Seniors rode in the back of convertibles and trucks and waved to the townspeople.

Today I walked on York Road to get to the grocery store, which was fine because the traffic was very light. There were no sidewalks available. On my way to York Road, I met new people in the neighborhood. I passed by an outdoor meeting of neighbors on the next street. The road had not been plowed and two cars were stuck in the three feet of snow. What were they going to do? I offered to buy groceries for a neighbor. It was a great day.

There's no school tomorrow and the next snow storm arrives in three days. The fun continues...

Note: I learned two new words during the blizzard of 2010. The first word was SNOW THUNDER. As I understand it, occurs during a big snow storm. The thunder is a different kind of rumbling. It's audible, but it sounds like someone has covered the thunder with pillows. The other word I learned was GROUND BLIZZARD. From what I understand, a ground blizzard occurs when there is already snow accumulated on the ground. The winds are over 30 miles an hour and cause the existing snow on the ground to spin around in the air causing white out conditions. We experienced both of these conditions with this last storm. It was awesome.

The Chance To Be A Child Again

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2010 (3:00am)--Why am I still awake? There's a blizzard, silly, and I can't sit still or relax! It's just so exciting. There must be at least 15 inches of snow on the ground. Whoa! I just saw lightning...there's the muffled sound of thunder-- did anyone see or hear that? The snow is supposed to continue for another 18 hours with a total accumulation of 25-30 inches. This will be one of Baltimore's top 10 largest snow amounts in record history. How wonderful is that?

As I sit here nibbling on olives and cheese, I think about our family's big plans tomorrow. They include eating a big breakfast, baking banana bread, taking Marley (our dog) on a snow walk, making snow angels, sledding down the middle of the road (I mean NO one is driving-nor should they be), and building a snowman. Its going to be loads of fun.

I moved to Baltimore in 1996. Since then, there have only been about two major storms. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2010 (11:00am)--WOW! You should see the snow! According to the local television station we have 24 inches of snow on the ground. I personally think there is more than that. The snow is supposed to continue for another 10 hours. The totals should be around 30-36 inches. We had the big breakfast of egg and ham sandwiches and hot coffee. Now we are preparing to go outside. I'm so excited, it's like being a child again. I think I am one of maybe five people who are thrilled by the snow. Why is that? This is a time for our family to bond, work on home projects, try out a few new recipes, put together a new puzzle, watch a few new movies, and pop popcorn.

I love the fact that everyone HAS to slow down because no one can go anywhere, even if they want to. Our road has not been plowed. In fact, I don't even see a path in the street. I guess our family will be creating one shortly. All I can say is that it's 26 degrees, which is comfortable given the circumstances, and I have my first pair of snow pants, which is much more practical (and warm) than the sweatpants I used to wear in the snow. The day is going to be wonderful...wish you could be here.

Hopeful Not Hopeless in 2010

Yep, I've been out of touch since August 2009. Life has been tough with the economic down turn. The kids had a hard time adjusting to school and my new schedule. There were paycuts in our household, so I took a second job. Between caring for my kids, helping with their schooling, completing my manuscript, and working two jobs, I've been very, very busy, a lot stressed, and tired beyond words.

The nice thing about life, though, is that it's constantly changing. Almost six months later, I find myself in a much better place. I can smile, I can relax, and I can enjoy life.

Let me just sum it up by saying that in 2009, I felt hopeless. In 2010, I feel hopeful. It's good to be actively blogging again.

Visitation Rites

After a week of vacation in the Outer Banks, my husband, kids, and I drove down to Tampa, Florida. A few days later we drove over to Orlando, and then finally we headed down to Port Charlotte. We visited my siblings and parents in a whirlwind tour because we haven't been on a trip to see my family in Florida for two years due to economics (you know what I'm saying).

I have wondered on occasion why there hasn't been more of a desire from my other family members to visit us up here in Baltimore? Is it assuming too much that we, as a family of four on a limited budget, should visit all of my family in Florida every year?

The answer to this question is just not that simple. The selfish answer is YES!! We would love to have visitors up this way. It would save us money, but it would also create additional opportunities for all of us to meet and give all of the kids a chance to play in our stomping ground up here in Baltimore, Maryland.

In the end, though, everyone has to make their own choices for their own reasons. Driving home 19 hours alone with the kids gave me new perspective. We are only here a limited time and our kids will only be young once (yes, my thoughts run deep.) I depressed myself greatly by doing a little "visiting-the-family-math." If we travel to Florida for seven days every other year, and assume that my parents live to the age of 90, the math proves that we will see them roughly 15 times for a total of just over three months. How horrible is that? Three months over the course of 30 years! If I want my children to have a relationship with their grandparents, nieces, nephews, aunts, and uncles, then it's MY responsibility to make this happen. I'm not mad at anyone. I'm simply glad that I did the math now.

I miss seeing my family, and I hope that they will come up here to visit soon. Maryland has quite a bit to offer visitors and so does our family.

Book Reviews

Outtakes From a Marriage - Ann Leary (wife of Denis Leary). The story begins with a wife discovering (completely by accident) that her husband is cheating on her. It follows with an in-depth look at love, life, regret, hope, and despair. The story is believable and as heartbreaking as rewarding. A definitely good read.

The Devil in The Junior League - Linda Francis Lee. This is a very interesting story about the deep south, as in Texas. The main character finds her wealthy, fancy, pristine life upturned when her husband does something really naughty. As a popular, beautiful woman, her husband's situation cannot be discovered by the Junior League, a highly coveted organization that only a select few are invited to join. The titillating story has many interesting twists and turns, that you don't see coming. I loved this story and I highly recommend it.

Famous quotes: Ginger Snap was not listening to her dad. He stopped, put his hands on his hips and said, "Ginger Snap, I keep repeating myself over and over like a broken record." Ginger Snap pondered this for a split second, and then with a look of complete puzzlement she said, "But Daddy, what's a record?"

Happy Birthday Hangover

May was a busy month. There was Mother's Day, Teacher Appreciation week, the end of school for Ginger Snap, Memorial Day, and for both of my children, it's their birthdays...within two weeks of each other. I was a frenzy of activity.

The thing that's really crazy, though, is that birthdays aren't just birthDAYs anymore. They are more like birthMONTHs. Each child has an actual "family birthday celebration" on the true date of birth (as it should be). Then there was the school celebration and, finally, the birthday parties. Sometimes there is also an extended family birthday party involving a barbecue and gifts from grandparents and relatives. Don't get me wrong. I know the kids love it, but truly, how many gifts does one child need during the birthday "season"?

The school celebrations vary depending upon the school my kids attended. My son attended a private school two years ago that requested a nut/milk/soy/egg-free food snack (not the easiest thing to do) as well as a book that could be offered to the school as a gift from the birthday child's family...okay. My daughter attended a private school that requested any snack in the World (donuts were very popular). My son is now in public school and this time the school requests NO snack due to food allergies/diabetes and a gift from the birthday child's family...Lightning gave a football and two jump ropes- a bit of a reversal, but not a bad thing at all.

I personally LOVE organizing birthday parties. My mom was quite the party maven- I have wonderful memories of my childhood parties (usually involving the 35 kids from my homeroom class). I have always wanted to recreate the parties, so each year we have a theme for each party, games, prizes, and usually a good sized group of kids. Two years ago, Lightning had 32 kids at his party. Last year he had 26 kids at his party, and this year he had 18 kids (a very workable number).

For the first time ever, my daughter persuaded me into using another establishment beside our home for a birthday party. She chose to have a Build-A-Bear Workshop party with 10 girlfriends.

The parties were so much fun, and I am so glad they are over :-).

Famous Chang children quotes:

'Mom that food was SO fattenous!' (Lightning)

'No way Mommy! That's prepostible!' (preposterous+impossible) (Ginger Snap)

Book review: "A Bad Bride's Tale" by Polly Williams. What do you do when you marry someone you don't love? This story was an interesting, seemingly believable, perspective on a girl that married someone she knew she didn't love completely. The story begins a couple of weeks before the wedding. She's asking herself hard questions about what she really wants in a husband. The answers aren't promising, but she feels that she (and her parents) are too committed financially to back out.

A Fond Farewell

Stormy Chang (1993-2009)

It is with a heavy heart that I bring the following news. My eldest cat, Stormy, aged 16.5 years old died on April 1, 2009, from a blood clot in her heart. She was a beautiful, talkative, animated adorable gray calico family member. I rescued her in 1993, when the next door neighbor in my apartment complex "threw her out". He was very glad that I found her and decided to keep her. I was very glad that I kept her as well. She was a six month old kitten at the time. Our whole family misses her terribly. If you want to get to know her a little better, I refer to her in the previous blog titled, "Pet Expectations".

Pet Expectations

I awaken to the weight of a cat sitting on my stomach staring at me (this is pretty typical). I get up and nearly step on another cat waiting for me by the bedside. As I am walking out of the room, Marley, our Australian Shepherd, stretches and follows me. In the hallway my oldest cat starts screaming insults at me - "Feed me! It's been six hours since you last fed me! Are you crazy? I'm starving over here! Don't deprive me just because I'm older. I'm not invisible, you know!" The way the cats watch me reminds me of a scene in the movie "City of Angels", when the angels (Nicholas Cage, Andre Brauer, and others) listen and watch the sun rise over the ocean. In this scenario, the cats are the angels and I am the sun.

Yep, I'm dealing with pet expectations. My pets are family, treated like family, talked to like family, and have the expectations of humans. It's not normal, but what can I say? We have all lived together for a long time. Marley is 8 years old, Sarah and Merle are 11 years old, and Stormy is 16 years old. In odd ways our pets have taken on human traits... and then there are exceptions- like when I catch Sarah licking the painted walls or when I catch Stormy licking the finish off of photographs- actually have to hide photos from her because she will go looking for them. As far as human traits go we have our adorable female, beautiful, blue merle dog who burps like a man and...umm...farts (loud). After which, you simply wish to leave the room she is in. Of course, she follows you knowing that she is killing you slowly with her stink.

It took me a while to realize that not all dogs do this and my friends did not realize that my dog was carrying on in this fashion in front of them. So once, right after Marley pooted loudly right beside me and my friend (who has a dog), I asked her how she felt when her dog did this in front of other people. She looked at me with a clueless expression and said that she didn't understand. That's when I realized, with horror, that all of the times I have had playgroups and girlfriends at my house that people must have thought that I was BURPING and FARTING without restraint or apology in front of them...I have some diehard friends for sure.

My cats swirl around my feet for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Stormy also expects "dessert" before bed. They all sample the dry catfood, but Stormy and Merle prefer the wet catfood and Sarah doesn't like it. Sarah eats cat treats in lieu of wet catfood. Marley "waits" for her chance to sneak into the cats' wet food. The pets are fed before the children in the morning because they make so much NOISE it makes me CRAZY! After the cats eat, Sarah retires for an afternoon of sleeping on the couch, Stormy sleeps in the lower bunk of Ginger Snap's bed, and Merle (don't know how she does it) gets into the top bunk of Ginger Snap's bed. Of course she can only get into the bed, not out. She cries out for me to get her down at least once a day.

I walked into the kitchen last night and this is what I heard my husband saying:

"That's it! You have to the count of three to get out of the kitchen...one...two..."I turned the corner and caught him having a heart to heart with Marley, who was looking at him with big sorrowful eyes. My husband stood up quickly, smiled, and said, "She's eating things in the trash again."

I, too, have caught myself telling Stormy that she needs to stop begging for food, she needs to leave the other cats alone, she needs to pipe it down, that she's being annoying, that she needs to find something to do other than beg for food. Her favorite place to sleep is directly in front of the refrigerator doors. Sometimes, if I don't feed her fast enough she swats at my feet trying to get my attention. People are surprised by how much "personality" our cats have and how "talkative" they are. Well, we are a noisy, talkative family so I guess it goes with the territory.

So, our pets are adorable and annoying and noisy, but more than anything our pets are part of our family. I feel pretty darn lucky.

Book Review:

"Everyone Is Beautiful" by Katherine Center. A story about child rearing with a dry sense of humor. It highlights the trials and triumphs a relationship undergoes with children underfoot. It's laughter and tears, frustration and jubilation. The story is truly lovely.

Famous Quote: Ginger Snap lost her voice and told me: "Mom, I can't make loud noises. I lost my screambox."

Snippets of Time

Do you remember a time when your days just consisted of getting ready for work, going to work, and coming home from work? Time passes by differently once you have kids. Time, for me, passes incrementally.

I have a 6.5 years old boy, Lightning, and a 4.5 year old girl, Ginger Snap. They are different ages and different genders. In the last four years one or both have been in attendance at different schools. I have a girlie girl who takes dance and I have a rough and tumble boy who plays soccer. They both take swimming lessons. My son is in first grade and attends school full time. My daughter is in Pre-K and attends school part-time. I work part-time during the week and on the weekend (during wedding season). After the kids go to bed, I either write, blog, or Facebook my nights away(in between bills, laundry, cleaning, and dishes).

My life is comprised of snippets of time.

My day typically runs from 7am-2am. When I wake up in the morning, I have one hour to: get the kids up, pick out their clothes, get them dressed, feed them, feed the pets (3 cats and 1 dog- they are more insistent than the kids), make lunch for one or both kids (depending on the day of the week), and dress myself...yeah, um, right (refer back to my entry "Skank for a Day" in regard to personal primping). That's the first hour of my day during the week and the hours continue like this from Monday to Friday.

On Tuesday, I do the above and then rush home with 20 minutes to spare to make myself presentable (always a difficult task) for work and get my daughter to her school. I work for two hours at a local museum before I run to my car and rush to the carpool line to pick up my daughter. We have one hour after I pick her up to 1) eat lunch; 2) help her change for dance class; 3) gather snacks (where are those chocolate pretzels(?); 4) and get to dance class across town. Dance class lasts one hour - ending at 2:45pm. Then we run to the minivan and drive back across town to arrive at Lightning's school as he is exiting the school with the rest of the students. I set aside 3:30-4:30pm for (more) snack time, going through school papers, and homework. Then I clean up and make dinner. My husband gets home. We eat dinner and have dessert. The kids take baths, they brush their teeth, we read a story, and they go to bed at 8pm. Then my night begins.

All of my time is compartmentalized into fractured hours. I don't know what I'd do if someone came to me and said, 'I give you 4 hours to yourself.' Sadly, I would probably break the hours up into portioned segments, like a mom feeding a baby "big boy" food.

How do you spend your days? Can you relate?

A (soon-to-be) famous quote from Lightning...While watching Entertainment Tonight, my son pointed to a clip about Michael Jackson. He looked at me and said, "Mom, that is one ugly lady."

book review: "Diary of an Exercise Addict" by Peach Friedman. The life struggles and frustrations of a girl who exercises many hours a day sometimes more than once a day) and then binges to the point of vomiting. There also is a phase of anorexia. I found the story sad, insightful, hopeful, and a really good read. It's well written and it puts an interesting spin on how society views women, diets, and being thin.

New Year's Resolutions

Yep, I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions. I am pretty good about sticking to them as well. Of course, I usually only have about one or two to work with. This year I am going to struggle with many more. So, without much ado, here we go:

1). Finish things in a timely manner - like, say for instance, publishing my New Year's resolutions. I swear my intentions are good, I just sometimes have a hard time with the execution. I will work on that this year.

2). Don't Be So Open- you know when you're courting a potential new friend, mentioning the umbilical hernia surgery which resulted in the loss of your belly button might be a bit too much. Mentioning that your stomach looks like the dude in the tv show, Kyle XY, is ALSO not a good idea. Note to self: This is NOT good starter conversation. Some people are SCARED by this kind of talk.

3). Drink More Liquids- Meaning BOTH water and alcohol (don't tell my kids). I had about six alcoholic beverages in all of 2008. I had a bit more water in 2008, but I am DEFINITELY not drinking enough liquids. I like to believe that for every headache I get (and I get my share), my brain is a dried up desert begging for rain. Does that make sense?

There IS one liquid I can't get enough of - COFFEE - with lots of milk and sugar (and sometimes whipped cream). I love it! The absolute BEST is Barnie's German Chocolate Cake Coffee Cooler OR Einstein Bagel's Vanilla Hazelnut. It's my little treat alongside my other demon: cinnamon and sugar bagels with strawberry cream cheese from Einstein Bagels.

4). Exercise More- So that I can eat more of the (above mentioned) bagels. Exercise is good for your body blah, blah, blah. The running begins when the temps. are 40 degrees or higher.

5). Get Up Earlier- But not after going to bed at 2:30am (refer to #6). I dream of watching the sun rise, being the first person at the gym, hearing the rooster crow, watching as the newspaper is delivered, hearing the first bird sing for the day, seeing the first dog walker- you get the idea.

6). Go To Bed Earlier- like earlier than 2:30am. What is wrong with me? I only saw the sun rise a handful of times in 2008. I relish those memories...

7). Write more - Well, this is going to start right away as I have become a new member of Facebook, I am working on a children's manuscript, and, of course, I have this blog. I'm thinking about joining Blogorama. Resolution #5 looks like it's going to be lost this year.

8). Eat more/more often - Word to the wise, it is best to eat a first meal before 2:00pm. You see, if you start your first meal at 2:00pm, then you find that you eat lunch at 7:00pm, and then, right before bed (around 2:00am) you eat dinner. This, of course, abuses resolution #1, #5, and #6. This also directly affects resolution #4 resulting in much more work for me. Note to self: this resolution needs to be a top priority.

9). Read more - this is happening. I read three books in January 2009. I LOVE to read, just don't have much time to do it. I always carry a book with me. You never know when you will have the chance to read in the car, the mall, at a drive through, while waiting to pick up a child at school...

Book Review: Happiness Sold Separately, by Lolly Winston. A story about a relationship gone awry due to the wife's inability to have children and the husband's inability to remain faithful. Realistic look at life and love. It's well written and ends on a hopeful note.

Any new resolutions for anyone?

The Holiday Pageant

pageant- noun, an elaborate colorful exhibition or spectacle often with music that consists of a series of tableaux, of a loosely unified drama, or of a procession usually with floats.

Let me preface this by saying that our family doesn't practice religion. It's not that we don't believe, it's just that we don't attend church.

My daughter, Ginger Snap, is going to be in a holiday pageant and we are so excited. Up until a week before the performance, she had been calling it a "show". In my mind, this show was a display of our children in their finest duds, parading on a stage, and singing Christmas carols. I got part of the equation right.

Ginger Snap and I looked at all of her dresses and have determined which beautiful outfit she will wear. We figured out how she will wear her hair and what shoes will be worn. I asked if the boys were going to be in the pageant as well. My daughter looked at me, laughed, and said in her all-knowing voice, "of course Mommy. Everyone is included" (like I was crazy). Silly me.

So, the notice came home in her school bag that the "show" was actually a holiday "pageant". Parents were invited to watch their kids on stage. Ginger Snap told me she was going to sing holiday songs and that the girls were going to be beautiful angels. My comment: "Yes, in your gorgeous holiday dress, with your hair down, and your "clappy", black shoes, you will be a beautiful angel."

At the end of school, the week of the great event, my daughter excitedly jumped into the car and said breathlessly, "Mommy, I'm going to be a lamb in the pageant!"

"What? When? I'm so confused."

Laughing at me again (hmmmm... I see a pattern here), she said, "You're silly, Mommy."

"But I thought the girls were going to be angels."

"Noooo, Mommy... only three girls."

I think to myself, How come my daughter's not an angel? Did they have try outs?

Whatever. Ginger Snap is so excited about being an animal. She's certainly had a lot of practice. When she's around her brother, they are a bit like wild beasts. I think she is going to be the BEST lamb ever.

In the end, and rightfully so, I decided to nix the dress (pants were a much better option). Ginger Snap kept mentioning the fuzzy pants and ears she would be wearing as part of her costume for the performance.

The Holiday pageant included three wise men, a couple of (breathtaking) sheep, a couple of angels, Mary, and Joseph. A simplified version of the story of the birth of Jesus was told in poetic form and the kids sang three Christmas songs. Then all parents (with video cameras is tow) were invited back to the classroom to congratulate the actors. It was lovely. So, now I truly know what a Holiday Pageant is all about.

Happy Holidays everyone and Happy New Year.

Note: I impressed my son by spelling the words Spongebob Squarepants. In his mind I am still a semi-God. Life is sweet...

The Safe Spot

I approach the elementary school property with dread and repeat over and over, "Find your safe spot, find your safe spot." Then I see both of my friends, Maple and Cinnamon. As long as I locate them, I am "safe." These two women have their heads on straight and I know that all is well as long as I can get to them before a mom of "previous importance in the workplace" approaches me or stops me. I must carefully navigate my way around the conversation time-bombs going off to ensure my safe arrival to my girlfriends.

Watch out to the left! There is the (ever present) political debate going on- Zoiks! I want to avoid that! On the right, I hear a couple of women deep in a conversation about 9/11. I just passed two women having a serious discussion about the PTA. Be careful- a volunteer request may be passed my way (not that this is a bad thing, it just that it's another thing).

Why do women (in particular) have these heavy discussions on the school grounds before after-school pick up? I mean, really. Maybe these stay-at-home moms/part-time workers have this need, this desire, to prove to others that they were once full-time "important" people (please note that not all moms are this way). Maybe these moms are insecure about staying home and try to reduce the feeling by having "big" conversations with other moms who are "in the know." Maybe these women spend so much time with children that these are the only opportunities to have the deep conversations. I don't know, but often I wait in my car until the very last minute so that I don't have to be involved in the heavy discussions. Does this make me a wuss? I don't think so. I like to think that I am conserving energy by avoiding these conversations because, face it, by 3:00 p.m., I am really tired and often I haven't eaten. That is no way to enter into a debate about the price of gas. Maybe I am thinking about this too much.

All I know is that I am truly grateful for Maple, who is a kind, soothing mom who has the ability to put me at ease with her grace and charm. Then there is Cinnamon, who is spicy and spunky, a girlfriend who can see a bright spot on a cloudy day and always finds a way to make me smile. Everyone needs a little Maple and Cinnamon in their day.

Do you have anyone like this in your life?

Survival Of The Fittest

It's Friday afternoon and I'm so relieved. My son and I survived the first three weeks of first grade. You see, it's not just about dropping the kids off and picking them up... nonono ... there is so much more to it than that.

First let's start with making lunch, but not just any old lunch. This is Lightning's lunch and there are certain guidelines to be met. I must have the RIGHT kind of ham that's not too sweet or spicy, the bread MUST be white, and there can be NO edges. Pickles are good in a lunch, but olives are better. There can be NO Cheetos, Cheese Puffs, or any other kind of orange chips because my son has deemed them 'bad for his stomach'. Desserts should NOT be chocolate because, of course, he doesn't really like chocolate, and finally, there should be fruit in his lunch (as he has pointed out) because it's healthy for him, but he has also told me that he will not eat fruit... because, you know, it's so 'healthy and all that.' I will say, though, that even though he is picky, he does eat his lunch (even with the healthy items), which is very important and makes me happy.

Secondly let's talk about clothing. No, my son is not a fashion hound, although he has been bothered when other kids have his same shirt or shorts. I did point out to him that it may have something to do with the fact that Target is Heroin for adults and, through no fault of our own, we find ourselves buying things we might not necessarily need (such as 'awesome' shirt with cars on it). And, of course, about 1 in 2 adults is addicted to this "heroin". To offset this drug addiction and to search for the never-before-seen clothing, we have hit a few consignment stores where he has picked out one-of-a-kind shirts, pants, and shorts. This has suited him very well (and saved me a lot of money).

Beyond the home fashion there are the school's requests: Wednesday is P.E. and he has to wear running shoes in order to participate; the first Friday of each month is "spirit day" and (fortunately) I had the (unknown) foresight to purchase a school t-shirt. One day a month it is "Earth Day" when we appreciate our planet and all of the kids wear green. I have no idea when this occurs, but it sounds like a good idea. When it is raining I have to remember the umbrella. Crocs are frowned upon at school due to their poor behavior on a playground filled with wood chips, but sometimes he wears them anyway because his classrooms are not air-conditioned. In about two weeks the room temperature will not be a problem and Crocs will no longer be necessary.

Then there is the paperwork (AKA- homework-for-parents-to-make-sure-they-are-on-top-of-their-children). Look, I know this is part of the school process, I'm just pointing out that there is more to the first couple of weeks of school than shuttling kids back and forth to the property. Back to filling out "forms": join the PTA; volunteer for school committees; purchase school paraphernalia (spirit wear); buy a directory (well worth the $4); fill out emergency contact information; sell, sell, sell wrapping paper and chocolates for the fundraiser; purchase books through the Scholastic Book Club; sign the kids up for Marathon Kids (definitely a good thing), join the Cub Scouts, join the Spanish Club. Everything has a deadline as well, and trust me, for your kids sake DON'T FORGET THE DEADLINES.

Now we move on to homework- understand that my first child has entered the first grade, so the increased amount of homework is new to us. The first two weeks were a little overwhelming, but we are now in a good groove. So each day there is handwriting, spelling words, reading (sometimes a couple of books each day), and math homework. There is number memorization and a list of sight words. Spelling tests are weekly and started on the second week.

On top of the school, Lightning is taking swimming and playing soccer this fall. My daughter is taking a dance class. I am so busy and I only have TWO children.

Once I pick up my son from school, we come home, go through the backpack and have a snack. Then Lightning works on homework, while I prep food for dinner (or read a magazine). Once homework is complete, he gets to play (at least that's what it is some of the time) with his sister while I make dinner. Once dinner is finished, the kids eat dessert, take baths, and go to bed.

So, in summary, school is going well for both my son and I. Every test he does well on, offers better sleep for me at night. My daughter just started Pre-K last week, but I don't think we have steady homework until she enters Kindergarten -whew!

famous quote of the week by Lightning: 'Mom, there is a new teacher in my class. She is old like you, but she is pretty.' Well, at least I know where I stand in his eyes - hehehe.

Pre-Post Vacation Traumatic Stress Disorder

I just discovered something while on our family getaway to Corolla, North Carolina. I need more attention. Is this pitiful? Selfish? Unfair? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. You know what? Our family needs more attention as well.

At home there is very little "down" time- time to think about the quieter things inside you... the things that hide right under the surface. You step away from the hectic that makes up your normal every day life and you realize certain things.

We are together as a family for EIGHT whole days- this is the first time in 12 months, sad but true. This is a rarity in Baltimore, Maryland (our home). We rarely vacation. My husband works long hours and travels occasionally during the week. On the weekend I work. Our family is not often together as a complete whole. Returning to Baltimore means breaking up our wholeness, paying bills, coexisting with a barking dog (who I share a love/hate relationship with- ask the dog, she would agree), scheduling doctor appointments, filling out school forms, buying school supplies, doing laundry, going to the grocery store ... oh, the list goes on. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!! I feel like the little kid that doesn't want to leave the toy store, or the man who just won the jackpot and is standing in Home Depot, or the woman who won a shopping spree on Park Avenue.

Our vacation was phenomenal. We arrived on a Sunday and stayed for a week in a condo with a beautiful pool. The weather was gorgeous every day and we were next to the ocean. Temperatures were in the low 90's and the ocean temperature was 84 degrees. We arrived on Sunday and around Thursday evening I started to fall into a depression (SEVERE). I started crying (secretly, of course) on Friday.

There was no easy way to drown out my return-to-Baltimore sorrow, so I did the most wise thing a mom could do while riding home in the family mini van- I started eating disgusting foods (but oh, so tasty to me). While in Corolla, North Carolina, I discovered a tasty little Outer Banks treat- canned boiled peanuts. I just popped the top and ate them cold and wet, right out of the can (well two cans, but who is counting). They are delicious! I added orange soda and sour cream potato chips to make a complete meal that I ate the whole way home. Need disgusting food combinations? Talk to me, the expert.

Flash forward two weeks...

There was no easy way out of this funk. It took a total of three weeks to pull out of the post-vacay depression, but I have something to look forward to now. In about 330 days, our family will be returning to the Outer Banks, so put the anti-depression meds away (until this time next year).

Girl Crush

Men, tune in, you might enjoy this. What exactly is a girl crush? Well, in this case, it is a woman interested in another woman. In the sexual sense, you ask? I guess it could be for someone else, but in my case it's just an intense interest.

Back in high school, in Alpharetta, Georgia, I had a girl crush on a friend of mine. She was smart, yet she didn't brag. She was a talented equestrienne who taught me how to ride my first horse. She did unique, different things than any other 17 year old female I knew. She went on hunting trips with her dad and actually did the hunting as well. Additionally, she worked on construction sites with her dad during the summer to earn extra cash. She knew how to wear cowboy boots and look good in them. She cared for her goats, chickens, and horses on the six acres where she lived with her family. She didn't live by other people's standards and she was attractive. Her life appeared so glamorous, original, and exotic.

Girls, I know you have known someone like this in your life. I simply wanted to immerse myself in her life and spend as much time with her as possible. Sometimes I wanted to BE her, if only for a little while. Been there?